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Playlist for February 13, 2010 from 12:00AM - 3:00AM

Current New Orleans Time: Sun, 5:59pm

Playlist Date & Time: 2/13/2010 12:00AM - 3:00AM

Program: Blues in the Night with Jamie Dell'Apa

Special Show Blog Post: Mardi Gras is the Will of Landrieu

Mind Meld 

To listen to this show go to: 
The 40 year old Star Trek episode, The Return of the Archons, features a society that celebrates a Mardi Gras festival and is lead by a guy named Landru.
In yet another New Orleans' twist on reality, Mitch Landrieu was just elected mayor of New Orleans during Mardi Gras.  Celebrating this Petri Dish of audio absurdity, tonight you can mix your own Mardi Gras intoxicants with WWOZ's presentation of sound clips from the Archons episode and related topical music.   This is the IMAX, 3D version of "Theater of the Mind."   Or just another one of those weird Saturday night public radio shows...  
Below is the transcript and playlist with video links to the Star Trek episode.  Go to PRX to hear the radio show and be one of the first to combine internet with radio.  Call it 4D radio.
Transcript from 

The Return of The Archons
Stardate: 3156.2
Original Airdate: Feb 9, 1967


(Two men in colonial style clothing, complete with tri-corn hats, are running for their lives. One falls.) 
SULU: O'Neil, we've got to keep going. Come on, get up. 
O'NEIL: It's no use. They're everywhere. 
SULU: The Captain gave us an order. We've got to find some clue. 
O'NEIL: It's no use, Mister Sulu. Look, there's one of them. There's another one. 
(Ominous figures in long red gowns and hoods are slowly advancing on them, carrying staves.) 
SULU: Scouting party to Enterprise.


SULU [OC]: Come in. 
KIRK: What is it, Mister Sulu?


SULU: Captain, beam us up quick. Emergency.


KIRK: Transporter room, lock onto Sulu and O'Neil. Beam up immediately.


O'NEIL: We've got to make a run for it. We can't just stand here. 
SULU: Mister O'Neil, stand tight. They'll beam us up any minute. 
O'NEIL: Run, I tell you. We've got to get out of here. You know what they're capable of. 
(He makes a dash for it.) 
SULU: O'Neil! 
(One of the robed figures reaches Sulu and points his hollow stave at him. Sulu stiffens, then relaxes with a smile on his face. The transporter takes him away.)

[Transporter room]

KIRK: Sulu, what is it? Where's Lieutenant O'Neil? 
SULU: What? Who? 
KIRK: Lieutenant O'Neil. Where is he? 
SULU: You. You're not of the Body. 
KIRK: Doctor McCoy. 
SCOTT: Doctor McCoy, transporter room. Quickly. 
SULU: You, you did it. They knew we were Archons. These are the clothes they wear, not these. 
(Throws a bundle at a man, and takes his jacket off.) 
KIRK: Sulu, take it easy. 
SULU: Landru. Landru. 
KIRK: Sit down. (McCoy enters) What happened? 
SULU: They're wonderful. They're the sweetest, friendliest people in the universe. It's paradise, my friend. Paradise. 
KIRK: Lieutenant O'Neil. Where is he? 
SULU: Paradise. Paradise.

Captain's Log. Stardate 3156.2. While orbiting planet Beta Three trying to find some trace of the starship Archon that disappeared here a hundred years ago, a search party consisting of two Enterprise officers were sent to the planet below. Mister Sulu has returned, but in a highly agitated mental state. His condition requires I beam down with an additional search detail.


(The extensive landing party is now in more late 19th Century American style clothes, with bootlace ties and long jackets. Spock has a cape with the hood raised to cover his ears.)
KIRK: Materialisation completed. Kirk out. 
(A man walks slowly past them, hand on his heart and smile on his face. He bows politely and carries on his way.) 
SPOCK: Odd. The expression on that man's face. The mindlessness. Vacant contentment. 
KIRK: Like Sulu. If everybody on this planet is like him. Let's go. 
BILAR: Joy to you, friends. 
KIRK: Joy to you. 
BILAR: You be strangers. Come for the Festival, are ya? 
KIRK: Yes. 
BILAR: Got a place to sleep it off yet? Go round to Reger's house. He's got rooms. But you'll have to hurry. It's almost the Red Hour. 
(The town hall clock shows a few minutes to six o'clock.) 
KIRK: This Festival, it starts at six o'clock? 
BILAR: Tula, these folks come for the Festival. Your daddy can put them up, can't he? 
TULA: You're from the Valley? 
LINDSTROM: We've just arrived. 
TULA: My father will be glad to put you up, though. It's right over there. 
(The clock strikes the hour, and everybody shouts and goes wild. Clothing gets loosened, women are carries away by men, there are shouts and screams everywhere.) 
BILAR: Tula, come! 
(Windows are broken, fights break out, a woman jumps on Kirk and kisses him.) 
KIRK: Let's get out of here. 
(They run to Reger's house and get in.)


(Three older men turn in surprise.) 
KIRK; I'm sorry to break in on you like this. We didn't expect that kind of a welcome. 
TAMAR: Welcome? You are strangers? 
KIRK: Yes, that's right. We're from the valley. 
HACOM: You came for the Festival? 
KIRK: Yes. 
HACOM: Then how come you here? 
LINDSTROM: Are you Reger? 
REGER: Yes. 
LINDSTROM: You have a daughter named Tula. 
REGER: Yes. 
LINDSTROM: Well, you'd better do something. She's outside. 
REGER: I know. It's Festival. It's the will of Landru. 
HACOM: Reger, these are young men. They are not old enough to be excused. 
REGER: They're visitors. 
HACOM: Well, have they no Lawgivers in the Valley? Why be they not at the Festival? 
KIRK: We heard that you might have rooms for us. 
REGER: There. You see, Hacom? They've merely come looking for a place to rest afterwards. 
HACOM: The Red Hour has already struck. 
TAMAR: Hacom, these be strangers. The Valley has different ways. 
HACOM: Do you say that Landru is not everywhere? 
TAMAR: No, of course not. It's simply they may have different ways. 
REGER: They've come looking for shelter. Can I turn them away? Come, please. 
LINDSTROM: But the girl, out there. 
HACOM: She is in festival, as you should be. 
REGER: Come, please. Hurry. 
(He leads the way upstairs.) 
HACOM: The Lawgivers should know. 
TAMAR: Surely, Hacom, they already know. Are they not infallible? 
HACOM: You mock them! You mock the Lawgivers. And the strangers are not of the Body. You will see. 
TAMAR: But, Hacom 
(Hacom leaves the house.


(Reger shows them into a sparsely furnished room with bunk beds, and turns up the gas light.) 
REGER: You can return here at the close of the Festival. It's quiet. You'll have need of rest. 
KIRK: We have no plans to attend the Festival, sir. 
REGER: The hour is struck. You can hear. 
KIRK: I'd like to hear more about this Festival, and Landru. 
REGER: (alarmed) Landru? You ask? You're strange. You scorn Festival? Are you? Are you? 
KIRK: What about Landru? 
(Outside are scenes of rioting, willful destruction of property, random violence and lust. Reger leaves the group, unseen to us.) 
RIOTER: Festival! Festival! 
KIRK: Landru. My guess is we have until morning. Let's put the time to good use. Doctor, do atmospheric readings to determine whether there's anything in the air to account for all this. Mister Lindstrom, correlate all that you've seen with any other sociological parallels, if any. 
Mister Spock, you and I have some serious thinking to do. When we leave here tomorrow morning, I want to have a plan of action. 
(Kirk, as sixth man in the group, didn't get a bunk bed or chair to sleep on. When the town clock strikes 6 am, everybody outside stops and then goes on their placid way as if nothing had happened.) 
KIRK: Spock. Spock, Lindstrom. Doc. 
(They hear crying outside, and go to investigate.)


REGER: No, no it's all over now. It's all over now, child. That's all right. Quiet. 
MCCOY: Excuse me. 
(Leads the distressed Tula away) 
REGER: It's all right. It's all over. 
KIRK: He'll give her a shot. It'll calm her down. Trust us. 
LINDSTROM: You didn't even try to bring her back. What kind of father are you? 
REGER: It's Landru's will. 
KIRK: What about Landru? Who is he? 
TAMAR: It is true then. You did not attend the Festival last night. 
KIRK: No. 
REGER: Then you're not of the Body. You couldn't be.

[Drawing room]

MCCOY: She's asleep. 
REGER: Are you, are you Archons? 
KIRK: What if we are? 
REGER: It was said more would follow. If you are indeed 
TAMAR: We must hide them. Quickly. The Lawgivers. 
KIRK: We can take care of ourselves. 
TAMAR: Landru will know. He will come. 
(Hacom storms in with two robed figures.) 
HACOM: He is the one. He mocked the Lawgivers. I heard him. 
TAMAR: No, Hacom. It was a jest. 
HACOM: The others, they were here, but they scorned the Festival. I saw it. 
LAWGIVER: Tamar, stand clear. 
TAMAR: I hear and obey the voice of Landru. 
(The Lawgiver kills him with his hollow stave) 
LAWGIVER: You attacked the Body. You have heard the Word and disobeyed. You will be absorbed. 
KIRK: What do you mean, absorbed? 
HACOM: There, you see? Not of the body. 
LAWGIVER: You will be absorbed. The Good is all. Landru is gentle. You will come. 
KIRK: We're not going anywhere. 
LAWGIVER: It is the law. You must come. 
KIRK: I said we're not going anywhere. 
(The two lawgivers turn and face each other.) 
SPOCK: Evidently they're not prepared to deal with out right disobedience. How did you know? 
KIRK: Everything we've seen here so far seems to indicate some sort of compulsive involuntary stimulus to action. 
SPOCK: Your analysis seems logical. 
LAWGIVER: It is clear that you simply did not understand. I will re-phrase. You are ordered to accompany us to the absorption chambers. 
KIRK: Why did you kill that man? 
LAWGIVER: Out of order. You will obey. It is the word of Landru. 
KIRK: You tell Landru that we'll come in our own time and that we'll speak to him. 
(Kirk takes the stave from the lawgiver, and hands it to Spock for inspection.) 
LAWGIVER: You cannot. It is Landru. 
HACOM: Landru. 
(Hacom leaves quickly) 
SPOCK: Fascinating. This is merely a hollow tube, Captain. No mechanism. 
REGER: They're communing. We have time. Come with me. 
KIRK: Where to? 
REGER: To a place I know. You'll be safe there, but we must hurry. Landru will come.


(They hurry slowly, smiling and bowing to passers by.) 
KIRK: Quite a festival they had. 
REGER: Peace. 
KIRK: What do you make of all this? 
SPOCK: Totally illogical. Yesterday, without apparent cause or reason, they wrought total havoc. Yet today, now 
KIRK: Now they're back to normal. 
BILAR: Morning, friends. 
ALL: Good morning, Bilar. 
LINDSTROM: Your daughter. That's the man. 
REGER: No, it wasn't Bilar. It was Landru. Let's hurry, we haven't much time. 
(But a few paces further on, the passers by all stop.) 
REGER: It's too late. Look. 
KIRK: What is it? 
REGER: Landru. He's summoning the body. 
SPOCK: Telepathy, Captain. 
(The people pick up weapons from the debris in the street.) 
KIRK: Phasers on stun. Which way, Reger? 
REGER: Perhaps through there, but Landru 
KIRK: We'll handle Landru, Just get us out of this. 
(They get trapped in an alley) 
KIRK: I don't want to hurt them. Warn them back. 
REGER: They're in the Body. It's Landru. 
KIRK: Phasers on stun, wide field. Fire. 
(They drop the first wave, but more come.) 
KIRK: Fire. 
(They get down the alley) 
KIRK: Security. 
MCCOY: Captain. 
KIRK: Lieutenant O'Neil. He's one of our men. 
REGER: Not anymore. He's been absorbed. 
KIRK: Bring him along. 
REGER: The Lieutenant is one of them. When he wakes, Landru will find us through him. Leave him there. He's our enemy. He's been absorbed. 
LINDSTROM: Captain, now that we've got Lieutenant O'Neil, let's beam up out of here. 
KIRK: We still don't know what's happened to the Archons. Which way? Bring him along.


(Reger leads them into a building made of massive stones. He goes over to a corner and unwraps a flat panel, which gives off light.) 
MCCOY: Put him over there. 
KIRK: A lighting panel. 
SPOCK: Amazing in this culture. 
REGER: Comes from a time before Landru. 
KIRK: Before Landru? How long ago was that? 
REGER: Nobody knows positively. Some say as long ago as six thousand years. 
SPOCK: It took a very advanced technology to construct a device like this. Inconsistent with this environment 
KIRK: But not inconsistent with what we've seen. Security. 
(The two spare members of the group go to stand guard.) 
KIRK: Those staffs. Hollow tubes. Antennae for some sort of broadcast power. What is it, Mister Spock? 
SPOCK: Strong power generations, Captain. Near here, but radiating in all directions. 
MCCOY: He'll be coming around soon, Captain. 
REGER: He must not. He's been absorbed. 
KIRK: Absorbed? 
REGER: The Body absorbs its enemies. It only kills when it has to. When the first Archons came, they were free, out of control, opposing the will of Landru. Many were killed, many more were absorbed. When he regains consciousness, Landru will find us through him. And if the others come 
KIRK: What others? 
REGER: Those like you and me, who resist Landru. 
SPOCK: An underground? How are you organised? 
REGER: In threes. Myself, Tamar, who's dead now, and one other. 
KIRK: Who? 
REGER: I don't know. Tamar was my contact. 
MCCOY: Give me a decision, Captain. He's coming out of it. 
REGER: He must not regain consciousness. He'll destroy us all. He's of the Body. 
KIRK: Give him a shot. Keep him asleep. Reger, I want some answers. This underground. If Landru is so powerful, how do you survive? 
REGER: I don't know, Captain. Some of us escape the directives. Not many, but a few. It was that way when the first Archons came. 
KIRK: The Archons. Tell me about them. 
REGER: They had invaded the Body, but they resisted the will of Landru. You see, Landru had pulled them down from the skies. 
KIRK: Pulled them down from the skies? A starship? Mister Spock, those power readings you took, are they? 
SPOCK: Powerful enough to destroy a starship? Affirmative. 
KIRK: Kirk to Enterprise, come in.


SCOTT: Captain, we're under attack. There are heat beams of some kind coming up from the planet surface. 
KIRK [OC]: Status report. 
SCOTT: Our shields are holding, but they're taking all our power.


SCOTT [OC]: If we try to warp out or move on impulse, we'll lose our shields and burn up like a cinder. 
KIRK: Orbit condition.


SCOTT: Checking. We're going down, Captain. Unless we can get those beams off us so we can use our engines, we're due to hit atmosphere in less than twelve hours.


KIRK: Keep your shield up. Do everything you can to maintain orbit. We'll try and locate the source of the beam and stop it here. 
SCOTT [OC]: Impossible to break away. I've tried the emergency bypass circuits but they haven't been effective. 
(The conversation ends in a crackle of static.) 
SPOCK: Captain. 
KIRK: What is it? 
SPOCK: Sensor beams, very strong. We're being probed. In this direction. 
REGER: Landru. 
SPOCK: Block them out. 
SPOCK: Too strong, Captain. Can't be blocked. 
REGER: (adopting a prayerful posture) Oh. 
(The image of a tall, elegant man draped in robes appears against a wall.) 
LANDRU: I am Landru. 
SPOCK: Projection, Captain. Unreal. 
KIRK: But beautiful, Mister Spock, with no apparatus at this end. 
LANDRU: You have come as destroyers. You bring an infection. 
KIRK: You are holding my ship. I demand that you release it. 
LANDRU: You have come to a world without hate, without fear, without conflict. No war, no disease, no crime. None of the ancient evils. Landru seeks tranquillity. Peace for all. The universal good. 
KIRK: We mean you no harm. Ours is a mission of peace and good will. 
LANDRU: The good must transcend the evil. It shall be done. So it has been since the beginning. 
SPOCK: He doesn't hear you, Captain. 
LINDSTROM: (drawing his phaser) Maybe he'll hear this. 
KIRK: Put that away. Landru, listen to me. 
LANDRU: You will be absorbed. Your individuality will merge into the unity of the good, and in your submergence into the common being of the Body, you will find contentment and fulfillment. You will experience the absolute good. 
(A sound permeates the room, and knocks everyone out.)

Captain's log, stardate 3157.4. The Enterprise, still under attack by some sort of heat rays from the surface of Beta Three, is now being commanded by Engineering Officer Scott. The shore party has been taken by the creature called Landru.


(Kirk wakes up in a chamber very like the previous one, constructed of large stone blocks, but without the furniture. A stone door has no handle on the inside. His communicator and phaser are gone.) 
KIRK: Mister Spock. Wake up. Mister Lesley. 
SPOCK: Where's Doctor McCoy? 
KIRK: He was gone when I woke up, along with the other guard and Mister O'Neil. 
SPOCK: I should say they've been here and been removed. 
KIRK: Where is here? 
SPOCK: Evidently a maximum security establishment. Are you armed? 
KIRK: No. All our phasers are gone. I checked. That's locked. 
LINDSTROM: Oh, does my head ache. 
SPOCK: The natural result of being subjected to a hypersonic. 
LINDSTROM: Oh, is that what it was? 
SPOCK: Sound waves. Stronger, they might have killed us. As it was, they merely rendered us unconscious. 
KIRK: Enough analysis. Let's think of a way to get out of here. What about the Lawgivers' inability to cope with the unexpected? 
SPOCK: We shouldn't depend on that happening again, Captain. In a society as well organised as this one seems to be, I cannot conceive of such an oversight going uncorrected. Interesting, however. Their reaction to your defiance was remarkably similar to the reaction of a computer when fed insufficient or contradictory data. 
KIRK: Are you suggesting the Lawgivers are mere computers, that they aren't human? 
SPOCK: Quite human, Captain. It's simply that all the facts are not yet in. There are gaps. 
(The door opens, and a Lawgiver escorts McCoy and O'Neil in, then leaves them again.) 
KIRK: Doc. How? 
MCCOY: Hello, friend. We were told to wait here. 
KIRK: Doc! 
MCCOY: Can I help you, friend? 
KIRK: Don't you know me? 
MCCOY: We all know one another and Landru. 
SPOCK: Like Sulu. 
KIRK: Think, man. The Enterprise. The ship. Remember? 
MCCOY: You speak very strangely, friend. Are you from away? 
KIRK: You do remember! 
MCCOY: Ask Landru. He remembers. He knows and he watches. You are strange. Are you not of the Body? 
(The door opens again, and a Lawgiver points his hollow stave at Kirk.) 
KIRK: No. 
LAWGIVER: Then you will die. 
SPOCK: You've been corrected, Captain. You'd better go. 
KIRK: All right. Work on Bones. See if you can't 
(Kirk leaves with the Lawgivers.) 
SPOCK: Doctor McCoy, what will happen to him? 
MCCOY: He goes to joy, peace, and tranquillity. He goes to meet Landru. Happiness is to all of us, blessed by Landru.

[Absorption chamber]

(Kirk is secured to the wall by his wrists. A stout bald man comes in and relieves the Lawgiver on duty.) 
MARPLON: I am Marplon. It is your hour. Happy communing. 
LAWGIVER: With thanks. Happy communing. 
(Marplon steps into the control booth.)


(Spock is attempting a mind meld on McCoy.) 
SPOCK: Impossible. He's under extremely powerful control. 
LINDSTROM: Are we just going to stand here? 
SPOCK: Little else we can do, unless you can think of a way to get through that door. 
LINDSTROM: Well, this is simply ridiculous. A bunch of stone age characters running around in robes. 
SPOCK: And apparently commanding powers far beyond our comprehension. Not simple, not ridiculous. Very, very dangerous. 
(The door opens and this time the stave is pointed at Spock.) 
LAWGIVER: You. Come.

[Absorption Chamber]

(Kirk is released and greets Spock with an inane smile on his face.) 
KIRK: Joy to you, friend. Peace and contentment will fill you. You will know the peace of Landru. 
(Kirk leaves, and Spock is fastened to the wall for his treatment. The lights waver as the Lawgivers leave Marplon to his work.) 
MARPLON: Have no fear, friend. The effect is harmless. My name is Marplon. I was too late to save your first two friends. They have been absorbed. Beware of them. 
(Spock is released.) 
SPOCK: What about the Captain? 
MARPLON: He is unharmed, unchanged. I am the third man in Reger's triad. We have been awaiting your return. 
SPOCK: We are not Archons, Marplon. 
MARPLON: Whatever you may call yourselves, you are in fulfillment of prophecy. We ask your help. 
SPOCK: Where is Reger? 
MARPLON: He will join us. He is immune to absorption. Hurry. We have not much time. 
SPOCK: Who is Landru? 
MARPLON: I cannot answer your questions now. Landru, he will hear. Here are your weapons. You may need them. 
(Lawgivers enter) 
MARPLON: Behave as you saw your Captain behave. It is done. 
SPOCK: Joy be with you. Peace and contentment.


SPOCK: Captain. 
KIRK: Peace and tranquillity to you. (in a whisper) Are you all right? 
SPOCK: Quite all right. Be careful of Doctor McCoy. 
KIRK: I understand. Landru. 
SPOCK: I am formulating a theory, Captain. 
KIRK: And? 
SPOCK: Not here. The doctor. 
MCCOY: You speak in strange whispers. This is not the way of Landru. 
KIRK: Joy be yours, and tranquillity, my friend. 
MCCOY: And peace and harmony. Are you of the Body? 
KIRK: The Body is one. 
MCCOY: Blessed be the Body, and health to all of its parts. 
KIRK: My friends. (guiding Red and Spock away to a quiet corner) What is your theory, Mister Spock? 
SPOCK: This is a soulless society, Captain. It has no spirit, no spark. All is indeed peace and tranquillity. The peace of the factory, the tranquillity of the machine. All parts working in unison. 
KIRK: And when something unexplained happens, their routine is disrupted. 
SPOCK: Until new orders are received. The question is, who gives those orders? 
KIRK: Landru. 
SPOCK: There is no Landru, Captain, not in the human sense. 
KIRK: You're thinking the same thing I am. Mister Spock, the plug must be pulled. 
SPOCK: Sir? 
KIRK: Landru must die. 
SPOCK: Captain, our Prime Directive of non-interference. 
KIRK: That refers to a living, growing culture. Do you think this one is? 
(Marplon and Reger enter.) 
MCCOY: Joy to you all, friends. 
MARPLON: It is the gift of Landru. (goes over to Kirk) I've brought your signalling devices. You may need them. 
KIRK: What we need is more information about Landru. (Reger shakes his head) You said you wanted us to help you. 
MARPLON: The prophecy says 
KIRK: Never mind what the prophecy says. If you want to be liberated from Landru, we'll need your help. 
SPOCK: Captain. 
MCCOY: You're not of the Body! 
KIRK: Peace 
MCCOY: You're not! 
KIRK: to you, friend. Joy and tranquillity. 
MCCOY: Lawgivers! 
MCCOY: Lawgivers! (trying to strangle Kirk) Traitor! Traitors! Traitors! 
(Spock deals with O'Neil) 
KIRK: Doc, I don't want to hurt you. 
MCCOY: Traitors! 
(Kirk manages to get a sleeper hold on McCoy, and he passes out) 
KIRK: Spock. 
(More lawgivers enter, and are overpowered. Spock uses a punch to knock his one out.) 
KIRK: Isn't that somewhat old-fashioned? Robes. 
(They undress the lawgivers and put on their robes.) 
KIRK: Where is Landru? 
MARPLON: No, no. 
KIRK: Where do we find him? 
MARPLON: We do not see him. We hear him, in the Hall of Audiences. 
KIRK: In this building? 
MARPLON: (reluctantly) Yes. 
KIRK: You're going to take us there. (the two men are terrified at the prospect) Spock, call the Enterprise. 
KIRK: Snap out of it! Start acting like men. 
SPOCK: Spock to Enterprise. status report.


SCOTT: Mister Spock, I've been trying to reach you.


SPOCK: Report, Scott.


SCOTT: The orbit's still decaying. I give it six hours, more or less.


SCOTT [OC]: Those heat beams are still on us. You've got to cut them off, Mister Spock, or we'll cook. 
KIRK: Scotty, stand by. We're doing the best we can. How's Mister Sulu? 
SCOTT [OC]: He's peaceful enough, but he worries me. 
KIRK: Put a guard on him.


SCOTT: On Sulu?


KIRK: That's an order. Watch him. Captain out. 
SPOCK: Captain. (gives him a phaser) 
KIRK; All right. About Landru. 
REGER: There was war. Convulsions. The world was destroying itself. Landru was our leader. He saw the truth. He changed the world. He took us back, back to a simple time. A time of peace and tranquillity. 
KIRK: What happened to him? 
MARPLON: He's still alive. He is here now. He sees. He hears. We have destroyed ourselves. Please, no more. 
KIRK: You said you wanted freedom. It's time you learned that freedom is never a gift. It has to be earned. Come on. We're going to find Landru. 
REGER: No, no, I was wrong! I submit, I bear myself to the will of Landru! 
KIRK: It's too late for that. 
REGER: No! Lawgivers! Help! Help me! 
(Spock neck-pinches him.) 
KIRK: All right, it's up to you. Take us to Landru.

[Hall of Audiences]

(outside the door) 
MARPLON: This is the Hall of Audiences. 
KIRK: Open it. 
MARPLON: But this is Landru. 
KIRK: Open it. 
(Marplon makes a deep bow, and the door opens outwards. They enter the empty room.) 
MARPLON: Landru speaks here. 
(Kirk and Spock remove the robes and leave the staves propped by the open door.) 
KIRK: Landru! Landru. We are the Archons. We are the Archons. We've come to speak. We are the Archons. We want to talk to you. 
(The projection appears on the far wall.) 
MARPLON: Landru! He comes! 
LANDRU: Despite my efforts to save you, you have invaded the Body and you are causing great harm. 
KIRK: We have no intention of causing harm. 
LANDRU: Obliteration is necessary. The infection is strong. For the good of the Body, you must die. It is a great sorrow. 
KIRK: We do not intend to die. 
LANDRU: All who saw you, all who know of your presence here must be excised. The memory of the Body will be cleansed. 
KIRK: Listen to me. 
SPOCK: Useless, Captain. A projection. 
KIRK: Yes, Mister Spock. Let's have a look at the projector. 
(They both use their phasers to blast a hole in the wall. As expected, there are nice clean big computer boxes in a room beyond. Lights are flashing and blinking, blinking and flashing.) 
KIRK: Of course. It had to be. Landru. 
SPOCK: A machine. This whole society is a machine's concept of perfection. Peace, harmony. 
KIRK: But no soul. 
LANDRU: I am Landru. You have intruded. 
KIRK: Pull out its plug, Mister Spock. 
(Before they can press the buttons on their phasers, there is a high-pitched sound) 
LANDRU: Your devices have been neutralised. So it shall be with you. I am Landru. 
KIRK: Landru died six thousand years ago. 
LANDRU: I am Landru. I am he. All that he was, I am. His experience, his knowledge. 
KIRK: But not his wisdom. He may have programmed you, but he could not have given you a soul. You are a machine. 
LANDRU: Your statement is irrelevant. You will be obliterated. The good of the Body is the Prime Directive. 
SPOCK: The good of the Body, Captain. That's the key. 
KIRK: Yes. What is the good? 
LANDRU: I am Landru. 
KIRK: Landru is dead. You are a machine. A question has been put to you. Answer it. 
LANDRU: The good is the harmonious continuation of the Body. The good is peace, tranquillity. The good of the Body is the directive. 
KIRK: Then I put it to you that you have disobeyed the Prime Directive. You are harmful to the Body. 
LANDRU: The body is. It exists. It is healthy. 
KIRK: The body is dying. You are destroying it. 
LANDRU: Do you ask a question? 
KIRK: What have you done to do justice to the full potential of every individual of the Body? 
LANDRU: Insufficient data. 
KIRK: Without freedom of choice, there is no creativity. Without creativity, there is no life. The body dies. The fault is yours. 
SPOCK: Are you aiding the body, or are you destroying it? 
LANDRU: (sounding very machine-like, Davros-like) I am not programmed to answer that question. 
LAWGIVER: Landru! Guide us, Landru! 
(Kirk draws his phaser.) 
SPOCK: Not necessary, Captain. They have no guidance. Possibly for the first time in their lives. 
KIRK: Landru, answer the question. 
LANDRU: Peace, order, and tranquillity are maintained. The body lives, but I reserve creativity to me. 
SPOCK: Then the body dies. Creativity is necessary for the health of the Body. 
LANDRU: This is impossible. 
MARPLON: Is this truly Landru? 
SPOCK: What's left of him, after he built and programmed this machine six thousand years ago. 
KIRK: You must create the good. That is the will of Landru, nothing else. 
LANDRU: But there is evil. 
KIRK: Then the evil must be destroyed. That is the Prime Directive. And you are the evil. 
LANDRU: I think. I live. 
KIRK: You are the evil. The evil must be destroyed. Fulfill the Prime Directive. 
(Smoke starts to rise from the base of the main computer bank.) 
KIRK: You 
LANDRU: Landru, help me! 
KIRK: are the evil. Fulfill the Prime Directive. 
LANDRU: Help me! Help me! Help me! Help me! 
(Fire breaks out and things go bang. The machine dies. Now Kirk and Spock step briefly into the computer room.) 
KIRK: Well, Marplon, you're on your own now. I hope you're up to it. (to Lawgivers) And you can get rid of those robes. If I were you, I'd start look for another job. Kirk to Enterprise. Come in.


SCOTT: Captain, are you all right?

[Hall of Audiences]

KIRK: What about the ship?


SCOTT: The heat rays are gone, Captain, and Mister Sulu's back to normal. 
SULU: Relieving you.

[Hall of Audiences]

KIRK: Excellent, Scotty. Stand by to beam up landing party. Let's go and see how the others are doing. Marplon can finish up here.

Captain's log, stardate 3158.7 The Enterprise is preparing to leave Beta Three in Star system C One Eleven. Sociologist Lindstrom is remaining behind with a party of experts who will help restore the planet's culture to a human form.


SPOCK: Marvellous. 
KIRK: What? 
SPOCK: The late Landru, Captain. A marvellous feat of engineering. A computer capable of directing the lives of millions of human beings. 
KIRK: But only a machine, Mister Spock. The original Landru programmed it with all his knowledge but he couldn't give it his wisdom, his compassion, his understanding, his soul, Mister Spock. 
SPOCK: Predictably metaphysical. I prefer the concrete, the graspable, the provable. 
KIRK: You'd make a splendid computer, Mister Spock. 
SPOCK: That is very kind of you, Captain. 
UHURA: Captain, Mister Lindstrom from the surface. 
KIRK: Yes, Lindstrom. 
LINDSTROM [OC]: I just wanted to say goodbye, Captain. 
KIRK: How's it going? 
LINDSTROM [OC]: Couldn't be better. Already this morning, we've had half a dozen domestic quarrels and two genuine knock-down drag-outs. It may not be paradise, but it's certainly human. 
KIRK: Sounds most promising. Good luck. 
SPOCK: How often mankind has wished for a world as peaceful and secure as the one Landru provided. 
KIRK: Yes. And we never got it. Just lucky, I guess.


Playlist Tracks

Star Trek and Landrieu Mayoral Ads
Welcome to New Orleans
Coolin Off

For all you aliens coming to New Orleans for the first time, Galactic gives you warning and the gem of wisdom - welcome to the third world
Armand St. Martin
Must Be The Mardi Gras
Alligator Ball

Yep, everything is upside down during Mardi Gras. It's like a annual absurdity festival. Kind of like the below video from the ancient Star Trek episode, Return of the Archons:
Star Trek
Return of the Archons

Mardi Gras Mambo
Chess Story
Harry Shearer
Mr. Burns
Fats Domino
Mardi Gras in New Orleans
Oz - Not in Kansas Any More
Snooks Eaglin
I Went To The Mardi Gras
Heavy Juice
I'm Hung Over - Come Over Tomorrow
Earl King
Street Parade
Mardi Gras in New Orleans
Star Trek
Return of the Archons

Start this at about 01:50. Seems Kirk and company didn't go to the Mardi Gras (regardless of musical incentives of that last set). So the cops in hoodies go to investigate.



15 Megatones
Hot Stuff
Rockabilly Girl
Captain, What Do We Do?
Marvin Rainwater
Hot and Cold
I'm Going Down Captain
John Kerby
Get Hot Or Go Home
Rockin' Bones
Billy Riley and His Little Green Men
Red Hot
Star Trek
Return of the Archons

So now Enterprise is being cooked by heat beams (picture the plastic model inside an Easy Bake Oven).  Our landing party guys are running away from the slow moving, easily confused cops.   Easily confused because these cops somehow can't seem to handle dissent.   Hmmmm.  We're talking plot hint here.
Larry Williams
Bad Boy
At His Finest

A set of music about dissenters, bad boys and JDs. Earthlings like our landing party.
Fred Rogers
You Know Who I Am?
Mr. Rodger's Neighborhood
Jive Bombers
Bad Boy
Bobby Lollar
Bad Bad Boy
Ronnie Allen
Juvenile Delinquent
Frankie Lymon
I'm Not a Juvenile Delinquent
Star Trek
Return Of The Archons

The slow cops finally put the landing party in jail. Kind of a slow speed chase but without the white bronco.
Joey Weltz
Shore Party
Star Trek
The Return Of The Archons

While in very cheap-to-produce-set of a jail, the shore party can babble on and develop the plot without changing sets adding new actor salaries or any other expensive dynamics.  Nothing helps the bottom line like cheap-to-film imprisonment plots.

The babbles keep telegraphing the plot line that this society is run by a computer.  To keep enough mystery to draw this 30 minute plot into a full hour, they don't guess the computer might also be named Landrieu.  (Or was the name Vyger or Voyager.  Nah that was some other movie.)  

  Before they supply the obvious connection and ruin the plot, Kirk and company get sprung by some fifth columnists.  



HAL 9000

Okay, we've telegraphed this plotline for about 30 minutes of TV time and 90 minutes of radio time.  Yep, the society is run by a computer.   Captain Kirk comes up with this amazingly complex plan to make the computer go au natural by unplugging it.  Now they're off to see the Wizard.  Oh whoops, same plot line, same funny costumes and wacked out characters but wrong recycled movie.

  I know, you've heard this plot line so many times before.  The "we computers are infallible,"  "we outer-space guys are infallible," "we boxing foes of Rocky are infallible," "we (insert ethic group name here) stereotype professional wrestler are infallible..."  Hey, I wonder if this formula would work on right wing radio too.  I bet Glenn Beck will present evidence that Democrats even used the words, "Puny Earthlings."   

Oh yeah, what about that missing story line of "who is Landrieu?"

Richard Berry
The Big Break

Lyrics about escaping from prison
HAL 9000
Open The Pod Bay Doors
Over The Wall

More prison escape lyrics
HAL 9000
Sorry Dave, I Can't Do That
Little Band of Gold
Prisoner's Song
JazzFest 2005
Morgan Freeman
Prison takes your life....
When I Leave These Prison Walls
Star Trek
Return of the Archons

Gotta learn about Landrieu to free the ship from the heat beams. Cheez, isn't this the same plot for every episode? Why don't they wrap the ship in tin foil to reflect the beams. They could take a collection from the triangle hats that the Trek fans wear.
Lee Mitchell and The Combo
Who's That Big Man?
Blue Cat Rockabilly Collection
Star Trek
Return of the Archons

Okay Mr. Intellectual Dissident, Mr. Fifth Columnist, Mr. Idealist College Professor - if you want your freedom you've gotta take us crummy actors to your leader. What's his name again? Landrieu? Ah, does he have a sister who dithered until health care died?
Who's in the Shack
Jack Nicholson
Come Out Wherever You Are
The Shining

A rare, weather and topically appropriate sound clip - searching for Landrieu on a freezing night in New Orleans.
Christine Kittrell
Mr. Big Wheel
Shagger's Delight
Wizard of Oz
The Great Oz Has Spoken
Link Davis
Don't Big Shot Me
Star Trek
Return of the Archons

Finally, the writers spell it out - the people are controlled by a computer so they don't have any soul. The computer can't handle dissent.  



Wizard of Oz
Ignore the man behind the curtain

Could this tired old plot device work yet again? Landrieu, a compromised human, is the ghost in the machine.   Brilliant - this will keep this goofy series going for generations.
Little Richard
Ooh! My Soul
Plan 9 From Outer Space
The earthlings' soul is too controlled

Another Academy Award winner with the same outer-space-no-human-soul story line.
Tower of Power
Soul Vaccination
Joseph August
Rock My Soul
Rock My Soul
Star Trek
Take me to your leader

Yep - you've gotta have this cliche in most Star Trek episodes.
Timmie Rodgers
Take Me To Your Leader
Greasy Rock and Roll
Star Trek
Return of the Archons

So one dissident flips out before taking Kirk and Company to Landrieu. (The evil cowardice character for the Trek fans who traded their tin foil hats for lives as Ayn Rand zombies.)  However, the other dissident finds that inner strength to save society and take Captain Kirk to Landrieu.  (Let's call him Howard Roark a.k.a. Howard the Rapist.)


There, the true believers will dress like Bell South employees (who forget their id in the car - a line that always works on liquor store employees and federal employees) and get their hands on their exclusive brand of veritus. Oh, wait - wrong Landrieu and way too many story lines here in playlist land.

The Wild Tones
The Martian Band
He's not working on all thrusters
Star Trek
Jive 5
People From Another World
James Earl Jones
The emperor has been expecting you
Bo Diddley
Bo Meets The Monster
Monster Rock and Roll Show
Star Trek
Return of the Archons

Surprise! Landrieu is a computer. Who could have guessed it? Kirk tells Spock to unplug Landrieu but Landrieu destroys their phaser weapons. Oh wait... Landrieu/Landru doesn't get around to destroying the humans. A reloading problem or does the Landru computer feel compelled to make a threatening speech first. Why can't villains close deals without these speechifying delays? It never fails that the their sloppy follow through always lets the heros get away. Isn't there a villain training camp where they cover this most common mistake of villain-hood? And aren't prisons supposed to be graduate schools of crime. Come on - replace speechifying with deal closing in the curriculum.
HAL 9000
Hal knows the plan and can't let it happen

Look, even the evil HAL9000 in the movie "2001" got screwed in this same situation.  And even when HAL knew he was going to go the way of the Vista operating system, he still goes into the speechifying mode.   
Teenage Machine Age
Star Trek
Return of the Archons

Okay, so the heros have lost their weapons and they've got to think their way out of their impending death. Thankfully the evil computer's speech goes on long enough that our heros the time to out think the brainiac.  

They crush the computer like a crouton by giving it contradictory sentences.  Something pseudo-metaphysical but still base enough for the stoners who took inspiration from this TV show.

This ending is so typical that between each song we'll play sound clips of this recycled ending.

Jet Black Machine

Can't recall this artist...
Mose Allison
Swinging Machine
The Sage of Tippo
In' Machine
Richard Berry
Johnny Otis Presents: The Best of Rhythm and Blues
Star Trek
The Return of the Archons

Faced with contradicting instructions, the Landrieu computer voice becomes strained - it cries like a human baby and eventually implodes.  Just like HAL 9000. Just like your home computer when you add a new operating system.
Don Cole
Lie Detector Machine
Star Trek
The Return of the Archons

The Captain's Log summary of the episode with some wry dialog that teases Spock and (again) firmly places human characteristics as superior to computers (and Spock).

Ooooooouuuu!  Now the viewers ought to have that unjustified sense of superiority that'll keep 'em unemployed, stoned and watching daytime reruns for decades.  Or worse, allowing their true believer sensibilities to be shaped by the Rupurt Murdock media empire of today.     

Ferlin Huskey
I'll Sail My Ship Alone

What other song would be appropriate for the fly-away shot?
Daffy Duck
Duck Dodgers in the 21st Century

Loony Tunes overlays so well with Star Trek seriousness.
Charlie Ryan
Hot Rod Rocket

It's true the public radio and alternative newspaper restaurant critic of Salt Lake City is the nephew of Charlie Ryan? Or so Ted Scheffler claims. Enough of this Landrieu, Star Trek, Mardi Gras audio world.
Amos Milburn
Let's Have A Party
Complete Alladin Recordings
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